Lately i've been thinking about my late grandpa...he's been dead for like...three years now? idk...i know my reaction is kinda late for this but i'm starting to wonder if i should have had a better relationship with him. even if it was jsut a small one. what got me thinking though was the fact that my ma refuses to go to her own mothers birthday party simply cause there isn't anything she can eat at the party...which is stupid cause you don't throw a birthday party just for the God damned food, you go to wished the birthday person a happy birthday...and when her mother asked her if she could drive her to chinatown my ma replied with a hella rude "no i have no money". that set my grandmother off. my grandma wasn't that sort of chick. she wouldn't cry of this kind of stuff but ever since grandpa died i guess it kinda wore her down. which got me thinking even more, am i like that? would i do that to my own mother? i might have already done when i told her i wouldn't go DNTG with her, but i told her that was only cause i was busy with a history project, i mean if i had the choice i'd go with my ma, but she's the one that wants me to do good in school so i'm thinking, why the fuck is she so pissed off all of a sudden? i don't get it...Grandpa i'm missing you bad. your family needs you cause after you left the family doesn't feel like a family anymore...